6 August 2019 I held it together until I couldn’t anymore. I was exhausted, bone-tired from pretending to have it all together. Maybe I feel the pressure to keep it together for my family, or for my kids or for my close friend. Maybe I pretend to be okay because I am terrified of what will happen when I admit that I am not. Who will pick up the pieces? In this digitized world where everything is marketed and images are perfected, it’s insanely hard not to be okay. In Christian circles, we can feel guilty for letting the difficult things in life shake our hope. I hid my problems, covering up my pain with smiles and the lie that I was “just fine, thanks.” But this only leads to despair. When I lock my problems away, I can’t make room for truth, hope, and life-giving relationships—the very things I need. I hid my problems until I couldn’t. But then I found another way: A gut-honest, heart-level conversation with God and to my close friend. But……I let God have it all—all my confusion, anger, disappointment, my sorrow my distress and depressions. I gave voice to all the bad and ugly things that I was carrying around inside. When the tears ran out, I half expected to feel guilty for not being stronger, so I offered up my only defense, “I just can’t do this anymore.” But instead of guilt, a profound peace settled over me. I felt God bend down and say, “I know. I’ve been waiting.” God never expects us to do it all. Jesus bore our not okay-ness and made us right through His blood on the cross. God simply asks that we set down the pressures we carry, and let Him in on our mess. Because then, we make room for His peace. And then I will pray this prayer… “Lord, I know nothing is impossible for you. You are bigger than all my problems. Please help me to be honest with you. Please come into my mess, my not-okayness, and redeem it all for good. I know that this gift of a life is worth fighting for. I am not perfect and thank you for your willingness to take Your outstretched hand on me. Thank you for being here with me, right now. Thank you for making me alright through your sacrifice on the cross. Please help me to move forward side-by-side with you. I know you are in control, you have all the power and you see the big picture. Please help me to rest in your arms and trust your ways. Please take these pieces, take my mess and make it beautiful. Help me to trust your redemptive work in my life.”Amen I want to challenge myself to fight for my wild, beautiful life—not in the do-it-myself way, not by my own strength, but to do-it-HIS-way and by HIS strength and to Fight for my life by “giving the fight to Christ”. Put down the burden of having to get it all right. Instead, lift my head and see how God is working in my life. “God is with me He is good, and He is fighting for me”
11 thoughts on “It’s Okay not to be Okay”
Love you, Mi… [hugs]
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