I really, really needed to relax, unwind, and recover. I desperately need a vacation. I am in deep comatose. Yes spiritually i am in a very deep comatose. I felt angry and confused at why God would allow this. Didn’t he care? Do I believe God is good by what I see or do I believe God is good because of who he is? 

I had two options. I could walk by sight and allow what I couldn’t understand to simmer into a rolling boil of anger toward the Lord, or I could choose to walk by faith by reminding myself that God’s ways are higher than my ways, and that he is trustworthy and good, even when 

I can’t make sense of my circumstances. 
This life is filled with circumstances that will leave me questioning or even denying God’s goodness if I live by what I see, rather than by faith in what God has promised. The choice I face is a daily one. I can choose to either trust on what I see and define what’s good for myself, and grow annoyed with God and doubt his goodness, or I can live by faith in a crucified Savior and let him define on what’s good for me, even if it means exercising my faith muscles as I choose to trust him over on what I can see and feel.  

So I come to Christ with my doubts and weaknesses and ask him to give me the faith to take my eyes away from what I can see in front of me and lift my eyes again to the cross—because that is where I will find assurance and confidence in the undeserving goodness and faithfulness of my heavenly Father. 

So is God good? Yes. He died for me

“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬