I've been here before, I studied here actually i am working in this field, the stinging smell of hand sanitizer, the squeaky plastic chair bed, the constant beep beep beep of pulse-ox monitors up and down the hallway. It’s all so familiar that I almost stop registering the details. White noise. White uniforms. 

Spending any length of time at the hospital is draining. I am tired. And so I pour out as I lie down here, and then worry starts to seep in, to fill every surface of my tired, empty body. But as worry fills me up, it leaves me dry and thirsty. Ironically, it is in my exhaustion that I find strength I did not know I had. I see my God-- the One who whispers, “Be strong and courageous, for I am with you.”

So, I go before my Father God. Drop by drop, I spill my worry at His feet. He cares, so he listens. And gracefully, mercifully, he fills me up and over with peace. It is peace I should not have in this place-- the sort of peace that strengthens my heart as I look to tomorrow and shields my mind against anxious, fearful thoughts.

He does not promise ease; however, He does promise life. And it is this chapter of my life that has changed me. With new eyes, I see the things that matter. And so-- I push forward. I do the hard things. Even if I cannot count it all easy, I can count it all joy. Again and again, every day, I go to God. I tell Him my worries and I ask for His peace. And this I know about my God: He is faithful.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”James‬ ‭1:2-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬